“Some days I just stay in bed
I don’t need the drama
Some things better left unsaid
‘Cause I don’t want the karma
Get high, ’til I don’t know how to get by
Outside you can see that inside it’s a fistfight
It’s like no matter how hard I try”
I did things today. I filed for my business license for an LLC that’s been a dream of mine since I was a kid. Did I do a lot of research in starting a business? No, should I have? Probably. Am I doing research now, yes. I accidentally did things in the right order. Now I wait for approval, then I move forward with obtaining an EIN. I am terrified. Terrified of failing, of embarrassing myself, of succeeding. I am terrified that I am not good enough. Imposter syndrome for the win.
It’s been a while since I felt like this. Both hopeful and doomed all in one. For someone who wants to move out of this state, I am a little shocked I went through with this. Meh. Fingers crossed. I am going to allow myself to dream and pursue these dreams. I am going to have low expectations. If it fails, I won’t be heart broken. I still have a full time job. If it succeeds it succeeds and I don’t know how I’ll handle that.
One day at a time, L reminded me. Deep breaths and one day at a time. I once had a whole business plan in place for this business. This WAS an impulsive decision, but it’s been a long time coming.
“Sometimes life’s a bitch
You play nice and get hit
Build it all up just to break down
Over shit that you can’t fix
Sometimes life’s a bitch
Yeah, it makes me sick
Let ’em all cheer when you fall down
‘Cause that’s just how it is”