“Is this what You expected?
Is this what You deserve?
Subscription-paid confessional,
Oh, no.“
Goodness. I don’t even know where to start this. I’m a a super odd place with my life, but I’m getting through it. Slowly, surely. I’ve been looking for a church to attend for a while now and I’ve finally realized that I will probably never find one that checks all my boxes. This caused some further introspection and I’ve come to the conclusion that the kind of church I want just doesn’t exist anymore. I don’t want a show, I want to feel closer while I try to find what answers I need. I have found one I am attending, for now.
I have done so much research on so many religions and the main things I believe in is just being a good person. I want to treat others with kindness and compassion, even those who don’t do the same to me. It’s a code I’ve always held myself to and I will continue to do so. I don’t want to hang around people who gossip, lie, twist narratives to fit their needs. Why have I found that almost every church I’ve been at? Don’t smile at someone’s face and then talk crap behind their backs.
Seven days since my last post. Seven days since my last message to my friend. I know what I’m worth at this point. I’m worth more than breadcrumbs, more than fake friends, more than whatever you want to call that. I’ve been the ‘sometimes’ person all my life. ‘Sometimes’ daughter, grand-daughter, sister, friend, cousin… those days are over.
I have no point to this post. I just want to start posting again, so Dear Diary, nothing spectacular has happened. I’m just living life and while I have A LOT going on in the background it’s nothing I can talk about just yet. Eventually I will use this site to process some more things, but for now – enjoy me rambling about things that aren’t that important in the grand scheme of things.
Oh! Wait! I met a new friend and she’s amazing. She’s also married to the brother of one of my best friends. Er… ex-best friends. We no longer talk (haha, what a trend!) and I miss him a lot. Anyways, he was in a car accident – shortly after my own. He was in the hospital for a moment, but he’s okay. He asked about me. Asked for my number. Asked to contact. I gave her the okay to pass along my information, but … silence. Perhaps that’s for the best, but maybe not. Maybe he will reach out one day. The door is open. The past is in the past. Once a friend, always a friend.
Maybe that’s a sentiment / personal philosophy I need to learn how to let go of.
It is, after all, the reason I left Reddit.
“I was lost, but now I’ve found,
The top three secrets for revival,
Draw me in and shake me down,
Sell me a sequel to the Bible.“